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9 Simple Ways to Start Improving Your Relationship

Updated: Oct 24


Sunshine Coast Relationship Workshops

Are you worried about your relationship with your partner? Has the connection

changed over the years? You’re not alone, lots of people feel that nurturing and

improving a relationship can feel like a challenge. At Sunshine Coast Couples

Clinic, our experienced couples therapist Madonna Hirning understands this

struggle.


You don't always need grand gestures or complicated plans to improve your

relationship. The secret sauce of a strong connection often lies in the little things

we do every day—those small, everyday moments that make a big difference.

Madonna Hirning, a psychologist and Certified Gottman Therapist, shares nine

simple relationship tips that can significantly improve your connection.


1. Put Your Phone Down

Be aware of the time you spend on your phone. Look for opportunities to put it

down and engage in meaningful conversations with your partner. This simple act

can create more moments of connection and be more present to conversation.


2. Recognise and Respond to Connection Attempts

Be sure to acknowledge and respond to your partner's unique ways of connecting

with you when they occur. People try to connect in various ways, including:

• Gestures of affection

• Inviting you on errands (e.g., "Want to come to Officeworks with me?")

• Sharing social media content

• Sending brief, casual text messages

• Recounting funny stories from their day

• Venting about frustrations (like the bad driver who cut them off on the way

home)


It might sound trivial, but all these scenarios are opportunities for connection. If

your first impulse is "hell no" to a trip to Bunnings or to run an errand together or

similar, maybe reconsider and go along for the ride. Sometimes just tagging along

can strengthen your bond.


3. Express Your Appreciation

Train your mind to look for ways to appreciate your partner, even during busy or

mundane weeks.


We all like to feel acknowledged. How often do we notice things our partner has

done or think how grateful we are, but the words stay in our head?


Express your appreciation. Let the words come out of your head as often as you

can and it will become a habit and you are likely then to notice more appreciation

coming back your way.


4. Show Interest in Your Partner's Day

Learn about the small details of your partner's day, so you can ask about them

later.


Make it a habit to ask your partner about their plans for the day, either the night

before or in the morning if you have the opportunity. The more you know about each other's world, the more connected and understood you'll feel.



Couples Workshops Sunshine Coast


5. Mind Your Tone

Be mindful of your tone of voice. When we're busy or preoccupied, we often don't

realise how we're speaking to those around us.


Taking a moment to breathe, soften your tone, and acknowledge when it could

have been gentler can significantly improve your connection with your partner.


6. Learn to Listen - Be a Sounding Board

Be a sounding board for your partner to vent to. When your partner vents about

stress in their day, don't try to make them a better person or solve all their

problems in life.


Just Listen. Show empathy and avoid offering advice or trying to fix the situation.


See your partner venting about their workplace or the traffic or their parents as an

opportunity to be on their side - listen and share in the emotions they are

expressing.


Resist the temptation to tell them what to do or try to offer insights from the other

person's point of view.


This is an opportunity to be there for your partner—no questions asked—and over

time it will be felt and appreciated.


7. Raising Issues - Avoid Layering Negativity

Pay attention to how you raise issues and respond to your partner's concerns.

Avoid piling on negativity or listing all your partner's faults when discussing a

problem—this comes across as criticism.


Instead, use a gentle tone and focus on expressing how the situation affects you

and what you need.


When your partner brings up an issue, even if you feel criticised, try to hear them

out. Look for fair points you can acknowledge rather than immediately becoming

defensive.


This approach is likely to prevent the conversation from escalating.


8. Manage Conflict Effectively

If you tend to shut down during conflicts because your partner is using many

words and you feel overwhelmed, try this approach: Outside of conflict, suggest

that when you feel overwhelmed, you'll ask for a break instead of shutting down.

Agree on a specific word or phrase to signal this need. This technique may require

some experimentation to get right. Importantly, agree on a time to resume the

discussion—this will make it easier for your partner to respect your need for a

break.


Remember, managing conflict effectively is about finding what works for both of

you. By establishing a system for taking breaks and resuming conversations, you

create a more supportive environment for addressing issues constructively.


9. The Gottman Card Deck - Relationship Tool

The Gottman Card Deck App is completely free on Apple and Android (download

on iTunes Store and Google Play Store). You will find many great card decks to

explore with your partner which can spark fun and connection. I recommend Love

Maps and Open Ended Questions are great to start with.


If you are both looking to be more focussed on your sex life then the sex questions

and salsa card decks are for you.


Strengthen Your Bond With Our 2 Day Intensive Couples Therapy

While our simple tips can significantly improve your relationship, sometimes

couples need a bit more guidance.


Our Two Day Couples Therapy Intensive, also known as Marathon Couples

Therapy, is an effective alternative to traditional weekly sessions.


Led by Certified Gottman Therapist and Clinic Director Madonna Hirning, this

approach allows couples to dive deep into their most pressing issues. In a

focused, intimate setting, you'll have the opportunity to address challenges,

rebuild connection, get your relationship back on track in a short but intense

period of time.


This intensive approach aligns perfectly with our tips for improving relationships. It

offers a dedicated space to practice attentive listening, express appreciation, and

learn effective conflict resolution skills with professional guidance.




Transform Your Relationship With The Art and Science of Love 2 Day Workshop 30th Nov - 1st Dec 2024.

For couples looking to build on the simple ways to improve their relationship, our

upcoming The Art and Science of Love Workshop on November 30 and December

1 at Mantra Mooloolaba Beach is an excellent next step.


Cost: $1190 per couple

Includes full registration, morning tea, lunch & afternoon tea for the couple and an

Art and Science of Love Couples Pack.


This relationship workshop takes the essence of our simple tips and expands them

into comprehensive strategies. You'll learn how to deepen your friendship,

express affection effectively, and navigate conflicts constructively. It's an

opportunity to turn the small, daily efforts we've discussed into lasting habits that

will strengthen your relationship for years to come.



Sunshine Coast Gottman Therapy


Book an Appointment With Our Sunshine Coast Couples Therapist

Remember, the key to a thriving balanced healthy relationship lies in consistent,

small actions that show care, understanding, and love. These tips are just the

beginning—there are countless ways to strengthen your bond. Start by implementing one or two of these suggestions and see how they positively impact

your relationship.


Ready to take action? Choose one tip from this list that resonates with you the

most and commit to practicing it for the next week. Share this post with your

partner and discuss which areas you both feel could use some attention. By

working together and making small, intentional changes, you can create a more

fulfilling and connected relationship.


If you're looking to take your relationship to the next level or address any

challenges you may be facing, our Sunshine Coast couples therapist, Madonna

Hirning, is here to help. Our couples therapist can provide you with additional

tools, strategies, and insights to help you build a stronger, more resilient

relationship. Get in touch with Sunshine Coast Couples Clinic today.


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